Being in a relationship is one of the most beautiful things you will ever experience in your life. Having someone beside you, whom you can trust, rely on and get back every time you are in trouble, definitely, a partner is not just your mate but one with whom you can be you.
Beautiful right? The perks of being in a relationship have no end but that’s just a single facet. The road to a beautiful relationship also involves a series of obstructions and hurdles. The most important one being the thought of being cheated or the idea that your relationship won’t last long or a simple doubt that your partner is hiding something.
All of this constantly scares you off, leaving you in a state of despair. It might even turn into a nightmare with you spending sleepless nights, thinking about your commitment to a relationship.
Now, is this normal?
Apparently, it is. In fact, there is a medical term to define what you are experiencing now and that’s nothing but, anxiety. Yes, psychotherapist calls it relationship anxiety. All of the thoughts, worries and the insecurities you have had pertaining to your relationship is nothing but relationship anxiety.
Most of the couples witness this kind of anxiety after being in a relationship for long and the spark, they felt in the early days seem to have burnt out. However, you can also undergo such a feeling when you have just started fresh and there still exists a line between you and your partner. Either be the case, it’s normal.
How To Know You Are Suffering From Relationship Anxiety
Yes, we refer it to as suffering. Why? Imagine the chain of thoughts you witness once you get into the mood of your partner lying to you or cheating and then picture the aftermath of the same when you confront your partner with it?
Yes, that’s why suffering. It not only causes a sense of distress but also turns you vigilant. Coming back to our point, what are the signs and symptoms of relationship anxiety. The doubts and the feeling of insecurity aren’t enough to claim that you are experiencing relationship anxiety, in fact, there is more than one way to determine the same.
Do I Matter?
Could be your partner isn’t talking much or he/she isn’t communicating to an extent you want them to. And there arises a doubt, am I still valuable or do I still matter to him/her. When you lack or feel that the connection is missing, such doubt is bound to float in your thoughts.
Delayed Responses or Unexpected Ones
Humans have this common tendency of expecting or predicting. Suppose you sent a text and expected a monotonous response, but to your surprise, the reply wasn’t something you expected. It could also be that you have sent an I love you message with no response. Of course, you will doubt your partner’s feelings for you.
There are certain gestures you might not like. Earlier, you have been pinpointing each to let your partner know that you don’t like this. But nowadays you are more scared about losing your partner and hence, try to fit in and adjust to your partner’s expectations. You are now ignoring all that frustrates you and in fact, collude with your partner to do the act
Wrecking Your Relationship
In other words, this means that you are deliberately destroying your relationship. You are so grossed-up within your thoughts that you are overreacting and in an attempt to show everything is normal, you sabotage your relationship. Avoiding arguments, dating your ex, or pushing your partner away are few instances.
If you relate to all the above, welcome dear, you are experiencing relationship anxiety.
But what is the root cause behind this? You aren’t doing all of this wishfully, right? So, what turns you hostile towards your own loving relationship?
Causes Of Relationship Anxiety
Past Into Play
Surprisingly, this is one of the most common causes of relationship anxiety. Memories of memories, why thou stay so long?
Yes, it is the past experiences and the memories linked that force you to feel the same way even when your current relationship is largely healthy. When you have had a bad relationship, trusting the new one is pretty difficult.
A survey suggests that people who are low on self-esteem tend to doubt and question their partner’s feelings. This doubt is the direct consequence of the self-doubt they are always witnessing.
For the ones that have been pampered since childhood expect similar behavior from their partner and when this doesn’t happen, they are bound to doubt their love. Such a situation further accounts for fears and insecurities in the relationship.
Sounds serious. Is there anything that we can do to cure? Of course, there is. Though there is no sure-shot way, there are solutions that help deal better with relationship anxiety.
How To Deal With Anxiety In Relationship?
- First, stop being impulsive. Do not act out of feelings, instead analyze a situation and make sure you react and respond wisely.
- Talk, talk and talk. Have a doubt talk, worried about something, talk. Never ever keep things within you and build a castle around your negative thoughts to finally, volcanize. Make sure you maintain good communication and by this we mean, two people talking, not one telling and another listening.
- Avoid the negative spiral of thoughts. Be mindful about everything that’s happening around and let go of things, that aren’t important.
- Never lose yourself to gain someone else. Always and always maintain your own respect and identity.
And, even after all of it, you are still in the dilemma, visit a therapist. Yes, a psychiatrist or a psychotherapist. No, you are not mad, just that you need to sort things and the best person here is a therapist.
Remember, no one is perfect. Not you and not even your partner. So, don’t consider either of you to be one!